Woomanhood according to Shanel Cooper Skyes

During this lockdown I have had the opportunity to read a book which a friend shared with me. The book is titled Woman Habits and its written by Shanel Cooper-Skyes. The book is sub-titled, ‘50 habits to elevate your sexiness, godliness, cleanliness and happiness.’ Born in the United States, Shanel is an entrepreneur, spiritual influencer and author who’s advice and motivational wisdom have won her a huge following online (https://trendcelebsnow.com/shanel-cooper-sykes-net-worth/).

In this book, Cooper addresses 50 Habits that, “…will address the fundamentals of womanhood.” In the introduction she says, “I realize as an adult woman you know how to be sexy, godly, clean and happy already. I have no doubt that your mother or another family member raised you to become an amazing woman. This book and these 50 habits are meant to elevate your womanhood to a whole new level.” When I read this, I was sold. Cooper had my attention. I read the book within 2 days, its not really a big book anyway.

Most of the habits were interesting and I had different reactions to them. Some were really uncomfortable to read, some funny and some shocking. Hmmm guys, uCooper uthi we (women) must keep our lady parts tasty and exfoliate them with sugar. But anyway, above all; I did come out with a number of things and they made sense to me. Watch me elevate my womanhood to a whole new level.

I want to comment on three out of fifty habits, that is woman habit #1, #2 and #4. There are a number of habits that I could have commented on (like habit #30: value your vagina) but maybe next time.

#1: Keep your mouth shut

Cooper encourages women to be quiet. She says, “often times, women talk too much by nagging, complaining and arguing for no reason at all. This is a senseless waste of your perfectly good vocal chords, energy and time.” As I read this I already was complaining and questioning that is she advising me to bottle up my feelings and just be a spineless person? Well, she goes on to say, “…know when to speak, know when to listen and value the importance of the calm and gentle silence when it matters the most.” I am not an entirely quiet woman. I am not quick to talk but when I do…

I have always tried, please note, TRIED, to choose my words when l talk in order to avoid saying things that I can’t take back. This is not only when I am having an argument with someone but when I talk to myself as well. Talking to yourself is normal, I do it. Words are powerful and I grew being taught that, ‘umlomo uyaloya.’ I will give you an example of a girl who says, “ah mina vele lokhu asikho kwami.” Who said that? Cooper says, “practice the habit of being a quiet woman with observation and awareness, only then can you be led by your intuition.” Wouldn’t hurt trying this, would it?

#2: Create daily rituals

This is the habit of spending time with yourself. In the book Cooper says, “every week I want YOU to spend some quality time with yourself. You need to spend some time alone and allow yourself to get to know who you re- ally are as an individual.” I had never done this before. I have, lots of times, been alone but hadn’t taken time to check on myself. I would probably be on my phone or listening to music, doing whatever but I didn’t take time to check on myself.

“It’s hard to remember and be true to who you really are when you have a husband, children, co- workers and strangers around you all the time. In order to be in love, be a great mother or be a strong worker, you have to be conscious and aware of how you show up for other people” she says. I am not necessarily in the same scenario quoted, but time to self I think is important. Giving time to your thoughts. So, after reading the book I did put this challenge to practice. I TRY to have some me time daily. I have been home alone most of the time since the lockdown started but that’s not me time. Me time is me switching off the TV, switching off from everything and paying attention to me. I wrote down what l like and dislike about myself. When being outside is made legal again and it is safe to do so, I am trying out solo dates – investing time, energy and money to myself. I’m eager to found out how that goes.

#4: Commit to you

Marry yourself. To commit is to fulfil what you had set to do. Shanel in her book says, “commitment means doing what must be done even when you don’t want to do it, because you made a promise to yourself to do so. And you made the promise you were looking to accomplish.” Having read this, Fikile got married to Fikile. I married myself. The author gave a tip to print out the vows you make to yourself, frame them and place them where you can see them every day. But because I am always in between places (if I am not at my sister’s house, I am at my brother’s or father’s) and I can’t always carry the frame with me so, I wrote them on my phone notebook, took a screenshot and made them my screensaver. My phone is always with me, I am always with my phone…get the point? Let’s see if I am the committing type.

There are a whole lot of habits that I could have commented on, but nah. What made me happy when l read the book was that I am already a quarter okay that’s pushing it; maybe a tenth of an amazing woman according to Shanel Cooper. For example, Habit #17: Sleep in peace. She notes that your bedroom is a sacred space. Keep tine sheets clean guys! Even kungo bhayi. Problem is that for some of these habits I need money. Cooper in habit #25 talks about smelling like a woman not a girl. Eau de Parfum doesn’t come cheap!!!!!!! I will stick to exfoliating in the meantime, ngelisthe le saka lamagwili.