5 things I hate about myself: A rant to me about me

Hey…long time. Miss me?

From the title you already know this is not a happy post but I have news to make up for it. This blog, which I hope is one of your favourite blogs was nominated for its first (of many) blog awards. I was nominated in this year’s edition of the Zim Blog Awards under the Personal blog category. Hello! Did you know this blog’s name is Blogger of choice? I honestly sometimes forget. But you can vote for us from this link: Category: Personal, Name: Blogger of Choice. T for Thurnks.

Anyway, straight to business of the post, I have been asked many times, I am lying, maybe once or twice; the question: “if I could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?”

So there is some bit of self-loathing which I think is only natural (I don’t know) that we all do from time to time – intentional or not. No matter how hard we (read that as I) try, we (I) find it completely hard to be happy with ourselves (myself). Could be personality, behavioural or appearance related, or a mixture of everything.

 If we are able to list things that we love or like about ourselves then it should be effortless to do the same with the opposite.

Here goes,

5. How I get angry…oh boy how I hate this about myself. I don’t think I am always angry or quick to get to anger (annoyance and frustrations do not count) but when I do its terrible. It’s usually with things that are so insignificant but hey, I just lose it.

I remember one time at secondary school I was involved in argument which got me so angry to a point of yelling and crying. Yea, I am a crier. I cry when mostly sad, when angry, when sorry…tears are my form of communication. I don’t remember what caused the argument and why I got so angry but I am sure it was something stupid, you know petty school fights.

An angry me is definitely a no.  

4. Stubbornness:  I would like to believe I am open minded but I do sweat when I get passionate about a topic. In some cases, I disagree just to prevent giving in or avoid admitting that I am wrong. But, on the bright side, this sometimes saves me from a lot of shit.

3. I over criticize myself. I don’t think I am good enough, there, I said it. Sure, sometimes I think I am a good writer then most of the times I don’t, especially when it comes to that issue of writing competitions.

Even with this particular post which has taken me days to write, I am thinking: should I even post this shit.  So that sometimes cripples my confidence, putting myself down maybe more than the next person does. Which kind of brings us to the next point…

2. Laziness. Yo guys! I am such a lazy bum and this has to do with my own personal shit. Give me work to do, I will do it and best believe I will give it my best. I mark assignments on time and prepare for lectures. I commit to my editing gigs – I do the shit. But when it comes to that manuscript which I am working on, God I am such a snail.

It will be ages before I get to doing something. You know I am that kind that will plan a cute outfit in my head the night before (not that I have a lot of those cute outfits anyway) but when the time actually comes, I will opt for a jean and a t-shirt and a hat of course!

1. Emotion ain’t my thing. Now get this, I know I said I am crier maybe what I should have said is that 90% of that crying is done behind closed door or in the dark under my bed cover. I don’t throw it all out there – such a difficult egg to crack. And I don’t like that most times because when then the other person provokes an emotion out of me, it can lead nowhere but to an argument.

I don’t know how many times I have gone to bed and people around me don’t know what’s up. Yes, issues will be attended to but it is never then and there and that sometimes fucks shit up and I don’t like it.

NB: not being emotional on the surface, doesn’t mean we don’t have a festering load of emotions underneath

So, there’s a lot of other things that I don’t like about me and in as much as no one is flawless, there are some things that one cannot ignore. If there are traits or habits that can be changed then its only right to take action and do something about it.

I invite you to join me in writing down a few or the many things you don’t like about yourself on a piece or paper then light it up and burn that b***h up. Or maybe this is too dramatic lol but you get what I am saying right? Right?

Anyway, here’s to me focusing on the things that make the good parts of Fikile. 

Who’s with me people???!