Time Of the Month…

I think if there’s anything that we as women can fully agree on is that periods suck. That thing is the pits! I always try to comfort myself that I have it better than other women, which is true, but it still doesn’t make it suck any less. I can’t help but question mother nature if this was really necessary, was it really?

For the longest time, periods have been considered a stigma. I know someone who wasn’t allowed to cook during that time. I had a boyfriend who couldn’t handle period talk…loser! Ngyaz’dlalela. Only now that I think men are being open to talking about it, even us ladies being able to openly talk about TOM.

What I hate about TOM:

• Symptoms which vary from headache to lower back pain to some funny feeling in the legs to stomach cramps to discharge that amounts to Zambezi river…ayhiii ngeke.
• Cravings before and during…this only sucks when I am broke.
• Possible chances of staining. I can never be comfortable during this tough time, especially in public space and the heavy flow days. I constantly worry at the back of my mind that oh shit, I could stand up right now and there’s a red map behind.
• I will not talk about the moisture or whatever that shows on the chair (metal or wooden) when you stand up.
• Laughing is not so much fun during this time. Its like when you laugh, the uterus laughs with you letting out more of the strawberry juice. Even worse when you sneeze.
• The dizzy spells and being bloated.
• The pain, oh the excruciating pain! It’s bad enough that I have to deal with the juice. Do I have to go through the pain? Also. I don’t understand that sharp pain on the A-hole like really guys? That’s so extra.
• The diarrhoea!!!!! The up and down toilet trips ain’t right…especially with this water crisis.

Having been in the game for a decade and a year now; this is how I cope with bloody Mary:

• Hot water bottle…it helps with the pain. I have never really understood the science behind that but it works!
• Pills…I usually take ibuprofen but sometimes it feels like I deserve morphine.
• The long or extra-long pads do the trick especially overnight. If I don’t have them, baby girl puts two to make a long one…happy days.
• Sleeping on my side. Before I discovered the trick of using long pads I would sleep on my side, the left is the strongest. Okay, maybe I toss and turn (OBVIOUSLY) but even now with a long pad on, I still sleep on my side. Its like I have been conditioned oro something.
• I avoid being out and about unnecessarily. I just want to be home and avoid stressing over leakage and nonsense.
• I also avoid dairy products because wow…mighty zambezi.   
• Using liners days leading up to TOM. This is to avoid ruining my panties, especially the ones l love.
• Period calendar applications. I have used the My Calendar app for over five years now and I love the fact that it predicts when my next period is (it’s not always on the dot but that still gives me an idea), when I’m ovulating and I can write notes which makes it easy to notice if there’s anything amiss…lama safe days guys, Joking!

But just like in every storm, or most storms, there is always a silver lining. This is what I appreciate about my check days:

• It doesn’t affect my emotions. Never. You will not find me moody or anything like that.

And that’s that. I only have one thing to appreciate. ONE. Periods are really the devil’s sacrificial waterfalls.