I (really) hated my name

Hi,

If you follow me on the socials you might have noticed that I changed my handles and put my full names. For the longest time I hated my second name, really, I hated it. I am afraid there is no way to sugar-coat it.

I remember at primary school I never mentioned that I had a second name and it was really easy to hide it because at that stage no one is into anyone’s business. Then came secondary school.

When I went to John Tallach I remember I never introduced myself with my full names, it was just Fikile Nyathi but I had my belongings screaming FNN all over. Literally everything was written FNN, from toothbrush to shoe polish to uniforms to underwear, everything! I remember asking mother if she really had to write FNN, why not FN? FNN stands for *drumroll* – Fikile NOMADLOZI Nyathi.

Then it came to boys, oh my gaaad!!! How do I tell a guy that I like and is cute that I am Nomadlozi? First days it would be cool cause I didn’t really have to say it, then it works out and that is one piece of information that will come out at some point. However, I am glad to say I have never been dumped or anything like that because of my second name.

What made the hatred for my name grow stronger were the reactions and questions I always got from people when they heard my name. “Ah so kutshukuthi ulamadlozi?” In their minds I am sure I must have been a sangoma or something like that. And that did not make me happy. 

I remember a neighbour used to call me ‘Dlozi,’ she would say it in a sweet and melodious manner (‘dloziiiiii’), but it was still dlozi you know and I hated it. A part of me thought she was mocking me.

I honestly don’t know how I got to appreciate my second name. But it was during my years at college. A name that I was embarrassed about has become one of the things I like about myself. What people said/say or how they reacted/react to it never botheres(d) me anymore. I really wish I can say I read a motivational story or something made me LOVE my name. It wasn’t even my family. It just happened. The first step to embracing Nomadlozi was changing my Facebook handle, I am not sure how many years back, my memory fails me.

Recently, like last year, I started appreciating my ancestors. You will not find me digging up funny herbs, burning them, clapping hands and all of that stuff. But, I am acknowledging all those who came before me (I am because they were), idlozi liyaphakelwa, but that’s a complete post of its own for another day. Was it bound to happen, considering my name? I wonder…

This is how father got to name me Fikile Nomadlozi…without going into much detail because this post is not about him, father is spiritual. He says many many years back he had a dream that he was going to have a child named Fikile. Did Fikile arrive (pun intended)? Not until a whole 8 years later after the dream. Maybe he had even forgotten about the dream. Mother always said that I pulled a surprise on them, thus, Fikile being the first name. Nomadlozi is then an interlink to my first name. ‘No’ means mother, bringing the meaning: Mother of amadlozi to my name; the ancestors who foretold my birth. Will my name manifest itself? I don’t know. Am I ready? I think so.

I never bothered to ask why I was named Nomadlozi until later in life. I wonder had I asked earlier, would I have understood and stopped hating my name or it would have made it worse. What matters anyway, is, I am here and baby girl is embracing her name! Let’s toast to that.

I changed my blog’s domain to: www.fikilenomadlozi.wordpress.com … new dispensation or something like that.

Allow me to reintroduce myself; my name is FIKILE NOMADLOZI NYATHI.

Fun fact: I always used my second name to chase away boys in the streets. Never worked. They asked for my number still. Argh